holy dark but you don't really care for music- do you?
I'm crazy getting a job now. I mean, I have free hours here and there but I don't know why I'm devoting chunks of time that could otherwise be spent sleeping and studying. Oh thats right, I need money for college. See, at first I thought it was stupid to take all of the AP classes in high school because you need to take them anyway, why not save them for college? It just occured to me, since my French teacher pointed it out, that if you take college courses in high school you don't need to pay for them later.
Ok, I need to eat better. I mostly eat Lean Pockets, Slim Fast shakes and yogurt, but I always do something bad like have cookies and chocolate at lunch. I need to stop bringing extra money to school. I'm eating "healthy" stuff but it's not real, you know? But I don't have time to make skineless broiled chicken and salad and it's such a pain, as opposed to grabbing a can or throwing a frozen chunk of crap in the oven.
Christine's post about jobs has got me thinking about what I want to do. I went through the "lawyer" phase that so many people go through, but I really don't want that at all. I want to be a teacher, but I also want to have a family, and I know it's really hard to do both- I mean, look at how much time our teachers spend at school. Especially if I go into music education. Then again I'm not good enough at anything to teach. And I don't have some outstanding talent, I'm not brilliant at anything, so I can't say "Oh, I'm going to sing opera" or "Yes I'm going to study microbiology in the Amazon rain forest" etc.
And now I'm finding out about all of these people that aren't in the Humanities Program, that are in Humanities NSL, and I'm not. This is so frustrating.
I owe Sarah money because I still haven't returned The Virgin Suicides and it's on her card.
So much for second semester being better. There are two completely unforseen circumstances that have significantly altered my school attitude.
One, I'm no longer in Humanities NSL. There were two many kids in that class, so a few of us randomly got switched. I'm so upset, because I loved my old teacher. He said I had an analytical mind, and people almost never compliment me on intelligence or anything (remember, Heidi?) And he was a good teacher (I thought), he actually knew what he was doing. And he was really nice. But now I have this horrible old cow of a teacher, who blows a dog whistle when she wants our attention, then calls us "sweethearts", and runs her classroom like a boot camp, has entirely conservative points of view. She accused everyone who didn't watch the State of the Union address of being un-American. Thats fantastic. Yes, there are good people, but it's just horrible.
Then, instead of switching into Musical Theater I'm back in Computer Applications. He said it would count for Humanities- but I really need to check, so I can dive back into MT if I need to. So thats one less non-academic I can count on. I actually only have one (Chambers) but it's getting so much harder with our festival music and switching parts, and learning new music. It's not a slacker class. I don't have a single one. And once I start helping the director at lunch, there goes my day.
Thank goodness it's Thursday!
And next week is going to be fantastic. Monday and Friday are normal. Tuesday we have an arts assembly- and I get to miss my morning because I'm in it. We're singing Salmo and doing On My Way and One Day More. Then Wednesday is a half day, and Thursday we're going on a feild trip to see a play. Fantastic!
I'm really tired and just disappointed, I hope school gets better because today was incredibly depressing. I have two classes with Heidi, two with Meredith (but lunch doesn't really count). I have Chambers with Andy but it's not like we can talk, and I don't have a single damn thing with Sarah. I can't wait till rehearsals start and I can see everyone again.
First, training from 8-10. I felt kind of stupid because I kept making mistakes with the cash register. I'm really stupid when I'm nervous. And all the time.
So then, opera from 10-1. We got pizza, and the faculty was having this luncheon, where they were served cole slaw, baked beans and hamburger buns. Mrs. Ingram and I made fun of them. That was funny. "Free slaw dogs for those who provide bun and slaw!"
So then I innocently run into Mr. Brodsky and I make copies for him for a little while, then he gives me a few things to type later. It's all good.
Then, I'm ready to leave. I walk by Mrs. Ingrams room- and those words that will haunt me forever-
"Do you need anything done?"
Of course she does, because everyone always does, and thats why I was at school four hours longer than I was supposed to be. I know I sound like I'm complaining, and in a way I am, but she's so nice, and I always offer to do things, it's not like she pours it all on me. I mean, it was fun- we joked around for a long time, and gossiped. I found out who got the solo lines in Brigadoon stuff, and heard tons and tons of gossip, and told her tons and tons. We had fun, organizing folders for the show. Then I filed music and made copies, and went home on the ride-on. But why do I always ask that question?
It was just such a long day. And I have a migraine.
My heart just breaks for some of my friends, because life can be really unfair.
Oh, and he's going to give me an aide badge. Excellent.
The fact that I'm up right now (at 7:31am) on a day without school, bothers me. It's almost as annoying as Holidays Are For All of Us.
Almost, but not quite.
Actually it's nowhere near as annoying. At one of our country-club things we were singing right in front of the desert table, in front of the fancy-ass pies and pears soaked in syrup and crap, and we kept stealing cookies. That was fun.
Oh, and I think that same night- yes, it was, there was this toddler who got up and kept dancing, and it was really cute, and we were all trying not to laugh. Then she started slapping her ass, and it was one of the funniest things I've ever seen. That was the one time the audience applauded with actual gratitude.
I hate school days like that, where all you can do is stare out the window at the trees and the sky. And no matter how hard you try and concentrate, you just can't especially if it's boring to begin with. And then you go through your classes, just kind of a robot waiting to be outside, trying to breathe the stale air, and you wonder how you're going to live through a 45 minute class in a room without any windows.
I am so glad we don't have school. The weather is absolutely amazing! Heidi and I walked around today eating gummi bears and just were amazed at the weather. It's 70 degrees outside!
I finally got to the library so I was outside reading pretty much all day. Oh, my goodness- I just finished Pay It Forward by Catherine Ryan Hyde. It's so much better than the movie. It's fantastic.
Once again, does anyone know when our opera meeting is tomorrow?
I have job training again at eight tomorrow morning, and I believe opera starts at ten but I'm not sure. I should probably find out.
I'm so glad first semester is over. Second starts on Thursday. Trading computer applications for musical theater is an excellent switch, in my opinion. Phew. And Brigadoon rehearsals are starting so soon!
It's perfect that the weather is so gorgeous when we don't have school, otherwise it'd be torture to just sit inside and stare out the window...
I love talking to Heidi, we can just joke with each other and be completely stupid. I don't have to watch what I say and worry about how I sound. Thats very refreshing. Also, we're babies in the water by the creek! Ladies and gentleman...alright it always bothers me when people pull the "shout-out" thing online so I'll stop.
I'm so bored. I'm tired, too. I got home around 12:30 and made lunch, and called all of my friends that live closeby. Either they are sick, or not home, or aren't allowed out till they clean their rooms. I don't want to take the bus alone, so I wait for my dad to get home. Four hours..he comes home finally! I can go to the library! And get my pictures from Giant! He's too tired..maybe later. Well "later" I come downstairs, and he's gone. He just got home- he was "driving around" and "looking at cars". I know he's the one who can drive so he can do whatever he wants, but he forgets how frustrating it is to not be able to drive.
Thirty-three dollars in babysitting this weekend, excellent. And tomorrow biology exam, then job training (maybe, the manager hasn't called..all of these transactions are much more casual than I assumed they would be but hey, whatever) and then on to the library! Yes! Finally pleasure reading now that exams are over. Book club is on Thursday and I haven't even started. The book is in my room. It's some romantic- finding-yourself-middle-aged-crap. I don't think I'll read it, I'll just show up.
If you listen to Madonna's "Like a Virgin" record (or any record, I guess) on a broken turntable, it goes really slow so the vocals are very low and Madonna sounds like a man!
Writing is a socially acceptable form of schizophrenia. --E.L. Doctorow
My sister just bought a TV/VCR for her bedroom. Hmm..yeah. Apparently I'm a dork for saving my money for college. But hey, you know, I'm already a dork for not drinking, and for loving books. Someday, when I'm the right age, life will be so much easier.
I'm dying to go see this but funding and transportation prove a problem, as usual. They're bound to make a movie or TV special out of it at some point, right?
It's one thing if I'm being stupid, or someone calls me on a stupid thing I've done- but when someone makes me feel like an idiot for absolutely no reason, it's so annoying! Heidi and I saw this girl I knew (we both sang in the eighth grade talent show, and I remembered her from Brigadoon auditions) and I knew her name was on the cast list. I felt like saying something to her, so I said "Hey, congratulations!" She just looked at me like I was insane.
"For getting into the show...Brigadoon?"
"Umm...ok..." she kept walking and ignoring me, but I persisted.
"Your name- it's on the list."
"What list?" Alright, what the hell is wrong with her? Does she honestly not remember the play she auditioned for six days ago?
"The cast list, for the show. You made it. Congratulations." At this point, I'm not sincerely congratulating her but trying to prove that I did have a valid point in striking up a conversation. She just looked at me strangely and walked away. Does that make sense? Absolutely not. Not at all.
Now I'm going to study. I think I'm actually starting to *gasp* retain information. Did anyone else watch "Influenza: The Musical"?
Isn't Diana Kaarina gorgeous? She's been one of my favorite actresses since I heard sound clips of her singing On My Own in eighth grade. That was during my obsessive Les Miserables phase. I actually met her at the stage door after a show, and got her autograph and had a picture taken with her. That was definitely exciting. Ah, memories. LM is an amazing show.
And I thought I had a wild night! Not really. Happy Birthday,Annie.
So, Dunkin' Donuts. The beginning of our "interview":
Manager: You speak Spanish?
Marie: Excuse me?
Manager: I ask you speak Spanish.
Marie: Um, well, no. Not really.
Manager: Well we all speak Spanish.
Marie: Well, um, I mean I guess I know enough, you could call it "survival Spanish".
Manager: No good! I ask, we talk Spanish, you feel left out.
Ten minutes later...
Manager: You work here, you eat all the donut you want!
Manager: Coffee, too. Juice- you pay.
Manager: Bagel, well, maybe ok- plain bagel, you eat, cream cheese- you pay! So, donut, coffee, plain bagel no cream cheese!
Marie: Yep...but no juice or cream cheese.
Manager: Also no breakfast sandwich! You pay for meat!
Whew. I can't wait to start. As Jessica so wisely says, money is money.
Well I watched The Virgin Suicides today. Very interesting. It seemed to move really slowly, but it was really interesting and very sad. I wish I had a DVD player so I could watch Lolita again! Damn, that movie is amazing. And really scary. Maybe Meredith can come over and watch something...
I quoted The Patriot on my government exam. Awesome. And I quoted Harry Potter in two different English assignments. Excellent.
So she picks me up, we're in traffic for awhile- by awhile I mean during which time the giant fangs of eternity gnawed at the outer limits of our patience- then we get to Broadway Pizza. We're eating and chatting, having fun. Making fun of how "young and hip" we are. And by we, I mean she. I feel so awkward with her and some of my other friends. Because she's just so..cool. I can't really describe what she's like- she's so sweet and un-self conscious and funny. And I'm just not any of those things, I feel like an extra unnecassary part of humanity.
Then we wandered throughout Giant, and I took pictures to use up my roll of film- hopefully I'll get the roll up here! It has pictures from everything since The Man Who Came to Dinner; I can't wait to see them all. Next we went to Hollywood Video- they only had Lolita in DVD; she has a player and I don't, but we got it anyway, and I rented The Virgin Suicides on cassette and I'll watch that sometime tomorrow I hope.
Next we drove to Rio, completely aimlessly. We wandered through Target where I made two extraordinary purchases. "MYNTZ"- Target's answer to Altoids. Ah, but dentist recommended! I prefer them to Altoids. A very nice smooth taste. And- behold- Spongebob Squarepants Valentines! I gave them to Adam, even though I wanted them, because I already got Harry Potter Valentines for myself and he really loves Spongebob. Then to wander Barnes and Noble.
Then- the main "segment", if you will- watching Lolita. It completely shook me up- I must have seemed strange on the way home because I was freezing, and tired, and also terrified out of my mind! The acting and cinematography (now that I have my mad film skills after Humanities English) were just..amazing. It was a fantastic movie, but it was so haunting.
So as we're driving home, I remember- damn! I missed the Evens Stevens all-singing episode! But no! Adam and Rachel, little darlings, had taped it! Fabulous! We just watched it. One of the funniest things I've ever seen. The best was during the "Morning Announcements" song, when the principal was singing/reminding the students about the obstacle course in gym sixth period, and we closed in on the gym teacher holding this huge vat labeled "Rope Grease" and slathering it onto the climbing ropes while grinning like a maniac at the camera. It's hysterical.
Then, Adam had also taped part of Spongebob. There was this strangely touching ballad/duet between Spongebob and his employer, after he had lost his job due to contract complications. It was so sad. It had a sweet little tune, and..alright I must be really exhausted if I tear up at a duet between cartoon sponges and crabs, about ovens and grills!
Well, this sounds a little insane- probably a lot insane- but I wish someone would love me the way Humbert did Lolita. It was obsessive yes, and unhealthy- but all he wanted to do was love and protect her, and to keep her forever. It was romantic at the same time. He loved her more than anyone has ever loved anything. It wasn't even love. People throw that word around all the time. In this post I've probably mentioned "loving" pizza, cameras and cartoons, and mints, and everything, but of course I don't honestly love any of that. I'm not sure I love anything. And I'm quite sure no one loves me.
So I randomly thought of two funny stories- they're not that funny- but thats perfectly alright.
So on the bus today, it was really crowded and I had to stand up. It was crazy! Half of our school was on..anyway, we went around this curve so I grabbed the metal handle, and I still don't understand how, but my watch went flying off my wrist, hit the wall twice and made metal ping-sounds, and landed in some strangers lap. I don't understand how it got off my wrist- it's a pull on. A question for the ages.
Secondly, at callbacks someone, I don't remember, one of the girls was doing the Scottish accent and the script said "Aye." Which, in the dialect, is pronounced kind of like "eye" but this person said "Ay" as in "pay". So it sounded Canadian! It was so funny!
It seems I do have a life, maybe, and Sarah Anne and I are having some fun tonight! Renting Lolita, excellent fun.
Meredith and I were talking about how when you have a lot of more important things to do (studying, chores) you have a ton of really great books to read. But when you're bored out of your mind, nothing looks good at all. As it was yesterday..
I'm the worst procrastinator, I took my geometry exam then went right home; I studied for two hours but it really wasn't enough, but then I went online, and Sarah Anne and I "went cruisin'", and then I brilliantly decided to go to the library! I felt guilty because I saw quite a few people from school studying diligently...
I also saw Vic! From middle school! I haven't seen him in ages but he still calls us to check up on us, he's so sweet. Anyways I got Lolita and some more Lemony Snicket stuff. Those books are absolutely addictive.
School in ten minutes, I need to go unfortunately prepare to fail one, quite possibly two exams...
Well, the cast list for our spring show went up today. We had exams, so I wasn't there to see them. However, Sarah Anne is a very fabulous girl, so we decided to drive down to look at it. Congratulations everyone who made it! There is an absolutely gigantic cast. I can't believe it. Yes, everyone's talented- but still, it's insane!
Also, personally I was surprised and disappointed at some of the casting. We talked to the director about it, because he was still at school. If you want the cast list email me or something.
I've been studying all day, and I need to go back and learn the entire semester of French 3.
Do you care about this? Here are the lyrics to the Maryland State Song:
The despot's heel is on thy shore,
His torch is at thy temple door,
Avenge the patriotic gore
That flecked the streets of Baltimore,
And be the battle queen of yore,
Maryland! My Maryland!
Hark to an exiled son's appeal,
My mother State! to thee I kneel,
For life and death, for woe and weal,
Thy peerless chivalry reveal,
And gird thy beauteous limbs with steel,
Maryland! My Maryland!
Thou wilt not cower in the dust,
Thy beaming sword shall never rust,
Remember Carroll's sacred trust,
Remember Howard's warlike thrust,
And all thy slumberers with the just,
Maryland! My Maryland!
Come! 'tis the red dawn of the day,
Come with thy panoplied array,
With Ringgold's spirit for the fray,
With Watson's blood at Monterey,
With fearless Lowe and dashing May,
Maryland! My Maryland!
Come! for thy shield is bright and strong,
Come! for thy dalliance does thee wrong,
Come to thine own heroic throng,
Stalking with Liberty along,
And sing thy dauntless slogan song,
Maryland! My Maryland!
Dear Mother! burst the tyrant's chain,
Virginia should not call in vain,
She meets her sisters on the plain --
'Sic semper!' 'tis the proud refrain
That baffles minions back again,
Maryland! My Maryland!
I see the blush upon thy cheek,
For thou wast ever bravely meek,
But lo! there surges forth a shriek
From hill to hill, from creek to creek --
Potomac calls to Chesapeake,
Maryland! My Maryland!
Thou wilt not yield the vandal toll,
Thou wilt not crook to his control,
Better the fire upon thee roll,
Better the blade, the shot, the bowl,
Than crucifixion of the soul,
Maryland! My Maryland!
I hear the distant thunder-hum,
The Old Line's bugle, fife, and drum,
She is not dead, nor deaf, nor dumb --
Huzza! She spurns the Northern scum!
She breathes! She burns! She'll come! She'll come!
Maryland! My Maryland!
Did anyone else not know that Maryland had a state song? Does every state have a song? Are there people that care enough about the lyrics of aforementioned state songs to- well.
Oh dear, I feel technologically challenged enough without this ...I don't even own a DVD player, period...and one time, I tried to use one, but I couldn't figure out the volume so I had to watch it in subtitles.
Another site, I got the title etc from Hallelujah from the Shrek soundtrack. Thats an amazing song. It's so gorgeous, it's repetitive, but I think thats partly why I like to. It's my perfect song to fall asleep to.