holy dark but you don't really care for music- do you?
I am so sick of "drama". Not actual drama, just all of the unimportant scandals that go on. It's bad enough when I create it for myself, but when I don't know whats going on, it's painfully confusing.
Still bitter and vindictive- only this time, with a caffeine withdrawl headache, a torturous ride home and a freezing house.
And, all this time I thought I'd lost my Brigadoon CD, but guess what, my old pal Andy had it. God, what happened? We used to be so close, but it seems like whenever we talk he's acting ghetto and whatnot, and I just want to talk to him..take him and shake him, slap him, work it out of him so we can talk.
Mr. Brodsky is so nice. It always worries me when people can figure out so much about me, just by simple observations. I assume they don't know anything about me, then wham. I guess I'm really transparent.
The assembly rocked my world. We got so into "Didn't My Lord Deliver Daniel", and Ashley and Stevie sang the harmony with me so I wasn't alone. We are so awesome.
Assembly today! I love performing, even when it's something tiny and stupid like this.
This is going to be such a great day, I can tell.
Well, Heidi came over last night, and she stayed for about an hour, and we spent fifteen minutes on the actual assignment, of course. But either I "turned stupid" for a breif period, or I really am a complete idiot, because I lost my ability to read. Honestly. I picked up a tag on my floor that said something like "The Softest Cotton Tees" and I couldn't read it. In fact I believe my exact words were "Soft." *pause* "Test". *pause* "Soft...test? Softest? Softest!" It was really funny. And Heidi didn't like her pants. That was fun.
I was thinking about what I can do for the Saylors, and I want to take the older kids to a movie or something so I need to figure out times and stuff. I wish I could drive, everything would be easier. But I have no time. I'll learn this summer. Actually, I can get my learner's permit tomorrow.
I am so pysched for the assembly tomorrow. I love "Didn't My Lord Deliver Daniel". It grew on me, quickly. It has such a good rhythm to it, you can get so into it. I really don't like the other one, "Every Time I Hear the Spirit". Oh, wow. I had so much caffiene today.
Rehearsal was so fun today, except for me being a total witch about attendence and talking, I did my menial tasks and such, then Scott and I drove home, and talked. It's interesting. Take "The Man Who Came to Dinner". "TMWCTD." The letter "W", as pronounced "double-yew" is actually harder to say than simply "who". Interesting. Then we went to Burger King, and then home. That was awesome.
Heidi should be coming over to study, I hope soon, because I have a migraine and want to go to bed.
I absolutely agree with Sarah. Real life should be more like musicals. Even the shows that try to mirror real life (Rent) end up seeming a little too happy and over the top. (Not that I would know, of course, being a sheltered surburban teenager.) Yes, there is pain and sadness, but by the end everyone's belting "no day but today" and it doesn't seem like it should be that easy.
I remember being in seventh grade, and our chorus sang Benedictus. There are probably five million arrangements with that title, but this one was three-part and absolutely gorgeous. I was cleaning my room and found the music to it, and sang parts of it, and I was stunned by how easily it came to me. I remember struggling with it for months three years ago. I was so impressed- three part harmony? You mean three groups, singing different notes at the same time? I was absolutely blown away. It's strange how you can improve and not even realize it.
We're so lucky to have Kevin. He's a great choreographer and he's nice, too, as long as you keep quiet and do what he says. It sounds a little harsh, but is it too much to ask? I would never listen when directors told us to be quiet, I'd keep talking the entire time, but now that it's my job to keep everyone quiet it's really frustrating. Poor Jessica had to deal with that backstage for the fall show, and everyone teased her about it. Her paper plate award was something like the "I Have a Problem with Noise" award. It's not that she has a problem with noise, but when you're supposed to be keeping everyone quiet, it's extremely frustrating. No one takes you seriously, everyone gets annoyed with you, but the director still expects everyone to shut up.
I think they should change Chambers pick-ups this year. Everyone knows what happens. They should do something different. I'm not sure what. Oh, well. It would have been really awesome if she started telling everyone months ago that we weren't having them, because parents complained and whatnot, and then had them anyway, conspiring only with the driving seniors. That would have been awesome.
"What's that I hear? Could it be the faint cracking of a whip?"
I've been so vindictive and bitter lately. I'm just snapping left and right. I yelled at Heidi on the bus today, completely out of nowhere. I don't think we've ever had a fight. I don't know if she was upset about it because we just kept talking, but I felt terrible, because I'm taking things out on her that she has absolutely nothing to do with.
Then today some of us went to an opera workshop. I didn't pay attention at all, except when Andy sang, then proceeded to charm the entire room sensless. You could feel all of the girls (and a few guys) falling in love with him.
On the ride home, we were talking about food and I listed everything I gave up for Lent, and Mrs. Ingram said "Making fun of people? So thats why I never see you anymore." And I snapped at her, "Oh, thats fantastic. I feel so much better about myself knowing that you only like me for my ability to mock others, and my breath mints. Thats great." I was completely serious, and really upset, and she found it extremely amusing.
I wish the whole Chambers/Show Choir casting would just be over with. I'm just being selfish, though. I think it's pretty damn funny that she figured out who had tried to memorize the sight-reading before auditions. She said she could tell, during the audition. Not to mention that about thirty people "casually" mentioned it to her, before fourth period alone. Oh, my.
I felt so bad for Alyssa today! My goodness. She had to wait by the dance studio, alone, for the choreographer to get there- then he showed up at the auditorium and we completely forgot to go get her for about half an hour. The wedding scene is going to be phenomenal. I was tearing off during the "Entrance of the Clans" part. I think I should stay home tomorrow.
I got to do all of my homework during English, though, so now I'm going to bed.
I am so excited for Brigadoon. (By the way, for computer applications I'll be doing a website for it. Yay. So that will be up in the future.) But the cast is so awesome. I mean, besides being fantastic people to start with, I'm just so amazed by the talent of people at our school. It stands out even more in the minor roles- like Sarah, Zia, Prashant and Andy. Yesterday I was getting chills with some of Prashants lines. He plays this angry..well, I think I'll put up the plot up here.
During the overture, a chorus behind the show curtain explains that two weary hunters have lost their way in the Highlands of Scotland (Once in the Highlands)
In the forest, at about five in the morning, we meet the hunters: two New Yorkers around the age of thirty, Tommy Albright and his friend Jeff Douglas. Jeff, who drinks too much, cannot comprehend his friend's dissatisfaction with a life that includes a find job and an attractive fiancee. Yet Tommy is deeply troubled and unwilling to settle down to the routine existence that is expected of him. Just then, the pair hear distant voices singing about a village called Brigadoon (Brigadoon), which is not listed on their map. Slowly, the village itself begins to appear in the mist.
On a road to Brigadoon, a group of Scottish peasants carrying baskets, jugs of ale, and other produce proceed to the town square (Vendor's Calls). The curtains part to reveal MacConnachy Square, the center of Brigadoon, a typical eighteenth century Scottish village. Once a week, the townsfolk engage in the tradition of setting up booths and carts to sell their wares (Down on MacConnachy Square)
We meet Angus MacGuffie and his flirtatious assistant, Meg Brockie, who sell milk and cream; Sandy Dean, who sells candy; and Archie Beaton, who offers wools, plaids, and other apparel. Archie's son, Harry, is a sensitive, scholarly youth, who is painfully in love with Jean MacLaren, the younger daughter of Andrew MacLaren, one of the town's leading figures. Jean is a shy girl, who that evening is going to wed Harry's rival, Charlie Dalrymple. Andrew has arrived to put up in full view a parchment written by a Mr. Lundie. It is a reminder of the second day of the village's blessing, a curious phrase that goes unexplained to the audience, but which is certainly understood by the townsfolk. Meanwhile, Jean's older sister, Fiona, tells Meg that she is in no hurry to get married and will do so only when the right man appears (Waitin' for My Dearie)
Tommy and Jeff arrive at MacConnachy Square and are regarded by the villagers with a degree of awe and curiosity that far exceeds a normal reaction toward strangers in a small town. When Tommy inquires about the references in conversation to a miracle, his questions are lightly evaded. The visitors are, however, invited to join the wedding festivities; and Charlie vows that his "rovin" days are over (I'll go home with Bonnie Jean"; "Dance)
Tommy reveals to gentle Fiona that although he is planning to marry his long-time girl friend in new York, he is doing so out of obligation to her, not because he is love. He is, however, attracted to the sweetness of Fiona and agrees to accompany her to a nearby hill to collect heather for the wedding (The Heather on the Hill). The duet draws them together, and they stare at each other, when thunder is heard in the distance. As the villagers race about to close their booths and carts, Fiona dreamily picks up her basket for the heather and strolls off with Tommy on her arm.
Meg has invited the weary Jeff back to her open shed, where he hopes to get some sleep. She, however, has other ideas and regales him with the details of some of her romantic escapades (The Love of My Life). When she concludes her spirited narrative, she looks down to discover that he has fallen fast asleep. She takes off her shoes, sits on a rocking chair, and begins to rock with a smile on her face.
At the MacLaren house, Jean's girl friends are helping her pack to move to her new home (Jeannie's Packin' Up). harry Beaton arrives to deliver Mr. MacLaren's new waistcoat and expresses his bitterness that he has lost Jean to Charlie and furthermore can never leave Brigadoon to advance his education and improve himself. After he leaves, the expectant groom appears to sign the family Bible. he calls to his bride, who chides him that it is bad luck for him to see her before the ceremony (Come to Me, Bend to Me", "Dance).
When Tommy and Fiona arrive, it is apparent that they have fallen in love. Jeff also turns up, obviously having had a romantic romp with Meg. Tommy tells his friend he has never felt better in his life (Almost Like Being in Love).
When Tommy's eyes fall on the open Bible, he shows Jeff that there is an entry for the wedding of one Andrew MacLaren, July 2, 1719, and the births of children Fiona, October 10th, 1722, and jean, April 8th, 1728. The ages correspond perfectly with the MacLaren family they both know today. The latest entry reads, "Married: Jean MacLaren to Charles MacPherson Dalrymple, May 24th, 1746." When Tommy asks Fiona the meaning of the mysterious entries, she says that the town's schoolmaster, Mr. Lundie, the dominie, must provide the explanation. Confused, Tommy and Jeff exit with Fiona.
Outside his house, the kindly and benign Mr. Lundie tells that although any resident of Brigadoon is able to explain the miracle to a visitor, it would not be believed. Therefore, the task has fallen to him. Two hundred years ago, the Highlands of Scotland were plagued with witches, who were taking the folk away from God's teachings and putting the devil into their souls. Mr. Forsythe, Brigadoon's aged minister, fearing for his flock's fate after his death, decided to ask God for a miracle. Early on a Wednesday morning, he went out to a hill beyond Brigadoon and asked God to make the village and its people vanish into the Highland mist, to reappear in the world for one day every hundred year, not long enough to be touched by the outside world. That was Wednesday: today is Friday, two days later to the villagers, yet two centuries to the rest of the world. The sacrifice for the miracle was Mr. Forsythe's life, for when God made the town vanish, Mr. Forsythe could not return. If any resident of Brigadoon should leave its borders, the enchantment is broken. The town will vanish forever, although a stranger may come to live there if that person truly loves and individual in Brigadoon. After Fiona leaves to dress for the wedding, Tommy is assured by Mr. Lundie that everyone is happy in the village.
The site of the wedding is the kirkyard outside what seems to be the ruins of the Gothic village kirk. With great solemnity, the clans begin to arrive, their family names called out as they appear, one by one (Entrance of the Clans)
Mr. Lundie explains to the gathered crowd that although there is now no minister in Brigadoon, it is proper according to Scottish law that two people who vow to love each other for a lifetime can be legally wed. Charlie and Jean exchange vows and are declared husband and wife by Mr. Lundie. There is a joyous wedding dance, interrupted by the appearance of Harry Beaton, who enters holding two swords aloft. He places them on the ground and leads the group into a wildly frenzied "Sword Dance". He then approaches Jean and asks her to dance with him, which she does, faster and faster. The crowds part to reveal Jean sobbing on the ground, harry standing over her. She rises and runs to Charlie. In pain and anguish, Harry cries out that he has wanted Jean too much and is leaving Brigadoon. "'Tis the end of all of us! The miracle's over!" He runs off, all the men, including Tommy and Jeff, in desperate pursuit.
The sun has fallen, and a mist beclouds the dark forest near the borders of Brigadoon. The frantic Harry Beaton runs in, looks around, and flees, closely pursued by the men, who know that if Harry crosses the village border, the town will vanish forever. Tommy enters with Jeff and tells him to hold harry fast, for many lives depend on their actions. The pursuit continues, when suddenly we hear a painful cry in the distance. Angus, Tommy, and the others enter carrying the dead body of Harry, who apparently fell and crushed his head. Despite the threat the young man posed, the men of the village express regret over his death and exclaim that they wanted only to prevent him from leaving (The Chase).
On the way to the forest a few minutes later, MacLaren reassures Fiona and the women that harry was stopped. not even Archie Beaton is told that his son has died, for fear of ruining the wedding festivities. Fiona is relieved to learn that Tommy has not left and professes her love for him. He too tells her that after one short day, he feels he cannot live without her for fear of joining the other lonely men he sees in life (There, but for You, Go I).
Following a jolly country dance by the townsfold, Meg appears to the delight of all and recounts the roistering goings-on at her own mother's wedding day, which she recalls vividly, because she was there (My Mother's Weddin' Day).
The dance is suddenly interrupted by the somber droning of bagpipes. Everyone steps back in horror, as Archie Beaton enters, carrying the body of his son. Maggie Anderson, a young villager, who loved Harry but was spurned by him, dances the piobrochead, a traditional funeral dance of mourning, accompanied by solemn pipes and drums.
When Tommy informs Jeff that he plans to give up everything and remain in Brigadoon, his friend convinces him that he has been hypnotized by Highland voodoo, that after a few weeks back home, he won't feel a thing. Jeff adds that he accidentally caused Harry's death by sticking out his foot and tripping the young man as he ran by.
Reluctantly, Tommy tells Fiona that he does not trust his own feelings and must leave, yet they affirm their mutual love (From This Day On). The day is ending. Fiona moves away from him and vanishes into the darkening mist, her voice growing faint, as she vows her love. Brigadoon is gone. Tommy slowly exits.
It is four months later. In a New York bar, Frank, the bartender, continues to ply Jeff with bourbon. tommy enters and tells them that after quitting his job a month ago, he went up to a farm in new Hampshire. He is not even sure that he wants to get married.
Just then, Tommy's fiancee, Jane Ashton, enters. She is chic and a bit severe in style. As she chatters on and on about her plans for their wedding and the location of the house they will own, images of Brigadoon appear on the other side of the stage, as Fiona, Charlie, and the others sing fragmentary reprises of their songs. Torn between his two worlds, Tommy startles Jane by calling off the wedding. He phones Jeff and tells him to get plane reservations for the two of them. Even if the town is not there, he wants to see where it was.
It is three nights later, in the same forest where the two Americans first saw Brigadoon. Tommy cannot believe that the village was just a dream and cries out, "God! Why do people have to lose things to find out what they really mean?" As they turn to leave, the chorus begins to sing in the distance. Suddenly, a sleepy Mr. Lundie appears in the mist and remarks that Tommy must truly love Fiona, for the old man was awakened in the middle of the night. He adds that when you love someone deeply, anything is possible, even miracles. Tommy moves toward Mr. Lundie, looks back at the bewildered Jeff, and exits with the wise schoolmaster.
Anyway, Prashant plays Harry Beaton and he is absolutely fantastic. You can just imagine the rage under the surface. It's so impressive. And Zia has the best accent out of anyone in the show so far, in my opinion, and he had this really good devious chuckle. It's just little things that add up and make the show so much better.
As long as I'm putting up pictures, I'll put up another. This, friends, is Diana Kaarina, my favorite Eponine ever, whom I met a few years ago, and whom I'm seeing again on May 3! On Broadway! (Get more pictures here.)
What, you ask, is so great about the Chambers festival songs? Hear them for yourself, then. (Of course, they aren't being performed by us. Or are they? Um, no really, they're not. Come to the damn concert.) First, the third movement of John Rutter's "Gloria". (Track 3.) Thats all for now, because it's damn hard to find the other ones.
I've probably written about them before, but there's this family I babysit- my favorite family- and they're practically perfect. No one's perfect, of course, but this is the nicest family I know. Three kids- a seven year-old girl, a five year-old boy and another boy who's two. They're adorable and sweet, and the parents have always been thoughtful and sweet as well. They're just a really great family. And on Thursday, the dad died. He was only 36 years old. Thats why I've been so upset.
That last sentence makes me even angier at myself. What right do I have to be upset? I don't have the right to mourn anything. I didn't lose a husband. If I need to talk to my dad, I know that he's there. But I'm furious. At first I was sad, and I still am. No, sad isn't the right word. Sad implies something less meaningful, a surface emotion. I cried all Thursday night, hoping that I could calm down in time for school. I broke down when I walked past their house, and all the way to school I cried, until French, when I got upset again. Then in English, I just left because I didn't want to put up with anything anymore. It was all I could think about.
See, that makes me so frustrated. It's not like we were best friends, or related. I babysat for his kids. I'm just imagining the pain of the kids, and his wife, right now. So why can't I stop thinking about it, and why the hell am I tying all of this back to me? Am I really that selfish? I guess so.
The baby, Grant, is so adorable. His favorite thing to do is to "wash windows". He'll go around with a Windex bottle full of water, spraying things, then wipe it off with his shirt. He'll look at you with this huge adorable grin and say "wash windows! washin' the windows!" It's absolutely adorable.
"But everyone dies," Heidi reminds me. It's just so disgustingly unfair that this young, sweet, funny man with a wife and three young children has to go- instead of someone who's truly evil. I'm sick of hearing that "God works in mysterious ways". It's not mysterious. It's just insanely unfair.
I miss him. I saw him about once a day. At work, he'd come in every Saturday to buy donuts for his kids, or he'd be mowing the lawn. I miss him, but only in the little fleeting ways I knew him. Which sounds so stupid.
After just crying constantly for a few days, and getting support from the most unexpected places (Nick and Zia? Who would have thought?) it seems so unreal. That someone's just gone like that.
I apologize to everyone for my selfishness, and thats all I can say about anything.
Thursday night. What better time than to question God's exsistance- or if not to that extreme, than at least the reasoning behind the events in the world. People cause pain, yes. But something completely and utterly spontaneous, with no second party, how can that be explained? Where is God, and what does he mean by things that only cause pain? If everything really happens for a reason...
Life has to be more than living constantly in fear of being crushed under a giant thumb. Does everything happen for a reason? There is no justice, life is not fair, and life doesn't make any sense sometimes.
Today, no rehearsal! A few quizzes, but the day should be fun. I look forward to English beyond belief. It's study hall, just with tons of my friends, the occasional feild trip and an easy A. Mrs. L. is so incredibly nice. She's not a genius, but she really tries to understand what's going on, and what we're saying. Thats cool.
Almost all of my pleasure related to Boston Public is derived from other people completely mocking the show. Chambers auditions today. I didn't mention it because I completely forgot about it until this morning. Which is a good thing because I only had to worry about it for a day instead of the entire weekend- and it didn't give me a chance to bitch and worry about them. I'm so glad with where I am.
Show Choir auditions are tomorrow. I really hope that Rachel makes it. I think it'd be so cool if both of us were involved like that. My little sister's going to be in high school next year! Thats so weird.
Mr. Brodsky is the best director ever. I typed stuff while he worked with Nick and Kendal, and damn. They actually had to work, and try, and he made them think and do different things. He's so brilliant. I am so glad I'm ADing because otherwise I wouldn't learn anything from this show- well, not half as much as I'm being exposed to this way. He'll say "Do it differently.." then they read it, and "that wasn't different. No. Not at all." It's so hard. Just watching the actual actors do it. With Mrs. D. she'd just tell Kendal "No, do it THIS way", and Kendal didn't feel the part at all. This show is going to be completely fantastic.
I'm going to bed early tonight. I have nothing to do. My homework is done, I don't have rehearsals for anything. Thats such a nice feeling. Maybe the reason I'm so relaxed is because my mom is out of town. Seriously. No nagging- no complaining. Nothing to worry about. And life goes on.
Chambers auditions today. I didn't mention it because I completely forgot about it until this morning. Which is a good thing because I only had to worry about it for a day instead of the entire weekend- and it didn't give me a chance to bitch and worry about them. I have a really good feeling about them. Why would she kick me out? I did well, I mean she knows my voice and my abilities, the auditions are formalities in most cases.
Tomorrow, Rachel tries out for Show Choir. I really hope she makes it. I think it'd be so cool if both of us were involved like that. My little sister's going to be in high school next year! Thats so weird.
Mr. Brodsky is the best director ever. I typed stuff while he worked with Nick and Kendal, and damn. They actually had to work, and try, and he made them think and do different things. He's so brilliant. I am so glad I'm ADing because otherwise I wouldn't learn anything from this show- well, not half as much as I'm being exposed to this way.
I'm going to bed early tonight. I have nothing to do. My homework is done, I don't have rehearsals for anything. Thats such a nice feeling. Maybe the reason I'm so relaxed is because my mom is out of town. Seriously. No nagging- no complaining. Nothing to worry about. And life goes on.
Oh my goodness, last night was so much fun. Meredith and Heidi came over and we watched Boston Public and just made fun of it the whole time, ruining it for my poor sister who was trying to watch it. Yeah that was funny. Meredith, did you enjoy your drink? Why is his head so damn lumpy? A question for the ages. Don't sing at the funeral! Argh! (Sorry, I find it so annoying when people type random inside jokes like that, but just this once- ok?) Anyway, except as I was walking to get Heidi it was really dark and cold, and I couldn't see because I was on the little path through the dense foliage, and I heard a dog barking, and then panting (not my dog..a different one..) and I was so terrified, because I kept thinking about the Beast People. And now I have to walk to the bus! And it's not that light yet! Oh, no. Then when it was over we were getting into the car and I was freaking out because it was dark, and the Beast People and all, and I'm like "hurry get into the car so we can lock the doors" and Meredith kept hers open! And the two of them were laughing hysterically. They don't know about the BP though, then they'd understand my paranoia.
I read this really funny story (from this book) about the musician Nadia Boulanger. When a reporter asked her about her feelings as being the first female to perform in a certain concert hall, she replied "I've been a woman for a little over fifty years and have gotten over my initial astonishment." Heh.
If you've ever been cleaning your room, or sorting through a desk, you can probably understand how sometimes you just need to read a paper or book you find. For example, cleaning up my room this weekend, I felt compelled to stop and read several books that brought back fond memories of my childhood, including but certainly not limited to The Island of Dr. Moreau and Mary Anne's Makeover (from the Babysitter's Club series. That made for some pretty interesting nightmares.
Oh, man. The Island of Dr. Moreau has terrified me since about sixth grade. It's terrible. It's so scary. It's worse than any Stephan King, I think. It's written so poetically. It's a thing of twisted demented beauty that you can't stop reading. Like Hitchcock, it's all in your mind. They probably have made a movie out of it, but I don't think it's worth seeing. You need to imagine the Beast People. Ahh! Thats enough.
I am such a mean person. I'm not saying it like I'm proud, I'm just stating that I am a huge bitch. My biggest thing is talking about people behind their backs. Almost all of the time it's not really horrible stuff. The rule I tried to make for it was, only say nice things, or gently tease them, or things that could be explained if they found out. Which is just stupid, I mean why even bother trying to justify being a bitch like that? So I really need to just stop talking about people except if it's positive. According to Christine, I'm the funniest when I'm making fun of people, which is pretty pathetic. I'm not a really funny person, but do I really derive all of my humor at the expense of others? God, I hope not. So, from today, no talking behind people's backs. It's so horrible. This came about afterschool, when Jason was upset that he heard people talking about him, and I pointed out that we talk about people all the time. I can't get angry when people gossip about me, if I gossip about them, it just doesn't make any sense. Plus it's just mean. I don't want to be like this anymore.
Anyway, had a fight with parents last night about my room and the cleaning thereof. It's not a priority. Between homework, exercising (which I hardly do anymore anyway) and talking to my friends, cleaning my room is just not a priority. What I hate is, my mom's biggest argument- her "big gun" if you will- is that "If you have a messy room, it reflects on how you feel about yourself. That you don't take pride in yourself." Excuse me? They think I'm online too much- and I probably am- but would they rather have me out drinking, smoking pot? I see.
This weekend I have work, (which also entails a two-hour nap afterwards) babysitting and copious amounts of homework. I can't wait.
I got a perfect score on the Harry Potter Quiz! I'll need to find a harder one though, I mean if you've read the first book it's all obvious.
My parents hate their jobs. I already dislike mine strongly enough to look forward to April 13, when I get to miss work because of rehearsal. Why do I even bother?
Christine and I were talking about The Babysitter's Club series, and how it was so annoying how the first chapter was always devoted to telling about their lives. The same details over and over. But it was so cool how they told you about their outfits, especially Claudia's. Then there was the time when they devoted an entire book to Mary Anne getting a haircut! But I digress. I've probably had that conversation before with Meredith or something.
Well last night I had some really entertaining conversations with Christine and Alisa. Blogger was down, unfortunately, but I still find it amusing, so consider the following.
Christine: Yeah, Jesus! Woohoo!
Marie: Seriously! If everyone were just more like Jesus, would there be any problems in the world?
Christine: The ocean would have a lot of fungal bacteria. Cause of all the people walking on water.
Marie: Yes. Yes, there would be.
Today went so quickly, I'm so glad. Not only that- but rehearsal was canceled! How fantastic is that?
So I just got home from Heidi's house. We did this six-page set of English study questions. We had fun, just joking around, and we actually understand what we were doing. Thats pretty rare. For once I know what's going on. So we'll not only get credit for the questions but we'll do really well on the test. And I'm sorry for this obscure (vocabulary word!) tangent- but I must say, some of the questions were oddly similar. Consider the following examples.
7. What conflict is evident in Brutus's attitude towards Caesar?
20. What is Brutus's opinion of Caesar? (Give his opinion in the past and present.)
21. Describe Brutus's mixed feelings about Caesar.
I'm sorry, I just thought that was a little amusing. And if I find it a little amusing, well then.
I'm really worried about my schedule. There are so many classes I want to take- Musical Theatre, AP Music Theory, AP European History, AP Pyschology, Child Developement- and I want to aide at some point, or try out for Yearbook or Newspaper. I used to be so involved with that sort of thing. Oh, wait thats because I never got into any plays!
Brigadoon opens in about two months. Oh, and we're going to New York! We're seeing Into the Woods and Les Miserables. I haven't seen Les Miz in awhile. Almost two years, actually, but it feels like much longer.
Happy Valentine's Day! This holiday is just another day for me, I suppose. Although every time I catch the phrase "V-Day" I think of Eve Ensler's V-Day crusade which gives it an entirely new meaning. It's just a fun day, when you give and get candy, flowers and cards and everyone seems a little nicer. I don't see whats wrong with that. You can be single and still be happy. A lot of teen girls are posting about finding love, or being single, "bitter and lonely". You're only fourteen, fifteen maybe sixteen years old. Relax. Enjoy life, single or as half of a couple.
Amanda says that today is "meaningless unless you have someone to share it with". If there is absolutely no one in the world that you love, well thats one thing. But it doesn't have to be about romance. Can't Valentine's Day apply to friends and family as well? Valentine's Day actually started out as a pagean holiday celebrating wolves (or something like that), but like many other holidays it was adopted and adapted by the Catholic church.
Speaking of the Catholic church, I was talking to John about Lent. He says that it should be something you plan on stopping for good, not just giving up Pepsi for forty days or something. I never really thought about it. Until this year it was just deciding whether to give up soda or chocolate. If you're going to go through with it, shouldn't it mean something more to you?
Love is a really strong emotion. I love my family, and I love music. Today I just want to talk about music.
Today Sarah and I were talking about how some people can sound amazing alone, but once you put them in a choir they really can't handle the group dynamic. You need to be able to blend, and carry a part, and you can have an amazing, gorgeous voice, but you'll stand out too much. Your talent can work against you.
I have a chorus kind of voice. By myself, I sound weak, like a five-year old boy who has strep throat. But I feel like I can really add to a group, because I have a good ear for picking up harmonies and things. (Of course there are people who are much better than I am at that, such as Christine, who is just a musical genius.)
Also, I have a really strong work ethic. If I love something and I'm passionate about it, I devote every ounce of my energy to perfecting that one measure, that one note. I was talking to Andy a few nights ago, and I realized that I'm one of the only people who goes home and practices the music. Is it that I need to, because I'm weak? Maybe. (Or that I don't have a life. Sort of.)
But today I got our Hit Parade and winter concert CDs and I'm just amazed. Listening to Jubilant Song is just incredible. And it's a low-quality recording of a high school choir, on our weakest performance on this particular song. But the music itself is..breathtaking. It's indescribable. It speaks for itself, so to speak. Being part of this group- it isn't about performing, having prescence, it's only about creating music. There is nothing I love more than that.
Singing is different from playing an instrument..because you can carry your voice with you, always. It's a part of you. It's the human body that is making these amazing sounds. It's stunning- that you can take a group of teenagers and create. They might go home and get drunk, or they might go home and study for an AP exam. You can be the most popular, well-rounded, SGA, cheerleader girl, or you can be the boy who spends all of his spare time playing Dungeons and Dragons. Those stupid stereotypes, they don't count. None of that matters. Nothing matters except the sound. You can't take that away. It doesn't matter who you are.
With Jubilant Song it's like the music has a pulse. You have Sami's gorgeous solo- and then it builds and rushes. It's impossible to pick out one voice from among them, it's a group, blending together so perfectly.
You can't take the voices away. It's perfection, and you can't try and change it..it's there in front of you, like this beautiful part of you that won't ever go away. It's the most amazing thing in the world, that people have this with them always.
I'm going to school tomorrow if for no other reason than I can't afford to miss another day. I'm behind already because I don't understand whats going on, as it's being taught. I used to be a really great student. In elementary school, I really didn't have any friends so I spent all of my time reading. I still read a lot, but not as a substitute for a social life, if that makes sense. Anyway, I got straight A's, with just a few B's. Those B's were regarded as minor tragedies by my parents. Then in 4th grade I got a C in math. I cried myself to sleep. It was so pathetic, school was just completely my life.
Now things are different. Last year I completely let everything slide- I didn't really do anything last year. I think I got five or six C's and two or three D's. I didn't care. My parents didn't care either, it's like they gave up. I know that if they pressured me to study I would resent them and still wouldn't study but it's a little depressing that they don't even think I'm worth it anymore. This year I did well academically, for me anyway, first quarter. My GPA was a 3.57, which was fantastic. However, I'm already completely lost in French, geometry, biology, probably other things to. English doesn't count. I don't think I've learned a single thing in that class. I don't like school. To quote Scott, "School is where you hand out between lunch and rehearsal". It's important to me, but only so that I can get into college. I love Chambers. I used to love history before I got switched to a different teacher, and English is a complete joke.
I don't like going to school. Even lunch is depressing, because I'm anticipating the afternoon classes.
"I know I didn't always feel this sedated." -Lester Burnham, American Beauty
"Today's B. Levitt hairstyle: Wavy Mowhawk, with just a hint of a Two-Wing Platter. Classy."-Molly
I love staying home from school, especially when I'm not very sick, just bad enough to have a legitimate reason. Andy's home too so we can talk. I really like this article. It makes an excellent point. Speaking of which, they canceled Singing Valentine's this year! The only people who are happy about it are the ten teachers who complain about the disruption every year. Well, it makes hundreds of dollars for the arts department every year, so you can just stop complaining.
I'm starting to get incredibly nervous about Chambers auditions. There's this musical thing at another high school in a month or so, and only a few people are performing, but she also chose a few people to go with her just to watch. I wasn't invited to go, I don't know why I expected to, I know I'm not the most talented person but, oh well. Anyway, Chambers. I'm starting to think I won't get in again. I don't feel like I add anything to the group. I'm not saying I'm horrible, I'm saying there are others who are just as good if not better than I am. I'm not a musical genius like Christine and whatnot.
And not to sound like Zia but I heard the Hit Parade CD and I sound like shit in One Day More. I know I'm supposed to but it's so unnerving. I can't stand listening to my voice.
I'm not going to school tomorrow because I'm sick, and honestly, I don't want to. There is nothing inspiring me to go to school whatsoever. Life is very tiring.
These four people keep going back in fourth in their online journals regarding illegal substances. I definitely agree with Amy, who knows exactly what she's talking about. I'm really surprised she has the nerve to say things like that, though. I'd say she cares more than anything.
I hate weekends. I work, and sleep, and do homework. I don't have time or energy for anything else. I have a horrible cold and I'm sitting here, exhausted, evaluating web sites for computer applications. Where did my life go? I swear I used to have one.
When should someone start worrying about college? I know many people that won't need to worry. If your house has six garages, I'm pretty sure you're all set. And I know others that are going to have so much fun. The whole party-school thing.
Can you please start using some common sense? Websites are completely public (although some hosts let you make private entries as well). Everyone has access to them. You can do anything you want online, which is the beauty of the internet- you can become anonymous. Or if you wish, you can put your full name in the URL and then talk about getting drunk, high and hooking up.
On a slightly related topic, a lot of parenting magazines have had articles on internet stalking and child pornography online in the past few years. One of the tips that is commonly recommended is to enter your child's name into a search engine, and see if anything comes up. This is only one of the reasons not to put your full name anywhere, let alone the incredibly obvious reasons.
When I started keeping an "online journal" (I think of this as more of a blog) I did things like that too. Then it occured to me- oh, wow, people are actually reading this! People that I know, and don't know, like and don't like. You have to be careful with what you say. Sooner or later, a parent, a teacher, an enemy will find your site and find it extremely interesting.
Dammit. This is absolutely the last thing I want to be doing on a Saturday morning.
Mr. Brodsky is an absolutely amazing director. It's not like I've worked with tons of people, actually more like six or seven directors since middle school, but he's fantastic. We actually went in-depth, analyzing characters and plot, and talked about the show in detail. He knows what he's doing (which is a very nice change). He's also extremely nice, and understanding. I'm so excited to be working with him. If I'd just done the show, and been in the chorus, it would have been miserable and I wouldn't have learned anything from him. He's just fantastic.
We did this exercise at the workshop today that I can't get out of my head for some reason...first, they gave us a minute to write down names of people we knew who weren't in the room- and so I scribbled down a few, like everyone else (they handed out paper and pens in the beginning) and then we were supposed to pick one person. And imagine, that we had five minutes alone with this person to say anything we wanted to, and they gave us five minutes to write to that person. Then they collected them (we didn't use real names) and performed some of them as monologues. I was in tears. It was absolutely stunning. I can't stop thinking about it.
At the play today, one of the actresses struck me as being so amazing. At the workshop, she hardly did anything, and didn't stand out at all, but she had the lead (Beatrice) in the actual show. She was tall, and didn't have a perfect body, and was kind of tomboy-ish. She completely controlled the stage. I was just drawn to her the whole time- and the guy playing Benedict (spelling is probably awful, sorry). He was so..they just had this prescence onstage. I love that.
The feild trip today was fantastic. The play and the workshop were great and I spent the whole time with Ashley, who is such a fabulous person. We haven't talked in ages. I look up to her so much- she's a brilliant actress and so much fun to be with. Between the trip, and lack of school, the day has been completely fantastic.
There's so much stupid hype about some holidays, like Valentine's Day. I like it. The holiday, that is. I don't really agree with what Becky said about love only being contained to one day. I see it more as a reminder. I mean, there's nothing wrong with celebrating love, and nothing is stopping anyone from celebrating it all the time.
Oh dear. I think some people will take this very badly. Then again, I'd be very disappointed if (and by if, I mean when. Why am I attracted to horrible shows?) they take Survivor or Boston Public off the air. Of course, part of me only watches those shows to make fun of them but part of me loves them too.
"I'm not the sharpest tool in the shed, but I'm in the shed." -Big Tom
I'm looking at the Grammy Nominations and I hardly know any of the artists. Definitely less than half. I have the Drops of Jupiter CD and the Shrek soundtrack, and of course The Producers, but thats really where it ends. I love that song.."Drops of Jupiter". It annoys me to no small ends when I hear that song somewhere, and I say something innocent like "Oh, wow, I love this song!" And I get a flurry of replies, everything from "You and everybody else!" or the extremely creative answer, "It's so overplayed." Um, thanks for the update. I don't listen to the radio except when I'm in the car because in general I don't like popular music (including rock, rap etc). Just because z104 plays it constantly doesn't mean I can't like it. Why is it better to have a unique interest; does that make it cooler? Am I just buying into the mass consumption-ism of modern entertainment? Oh dear.
I'm so frustrated, it's one of the weirdest things that I'm so tired but I can't fall asleep. There are just so many things running through my head. So here I am, looking at pretty templates and talking to Andy.
Does anyone actually enjoy standardized testing? Of course not. Damn scantrons. Damn #2 pencils, especially when the eraser is a peice of shit and you inadvertently leave smears all over aforementioned scantrons. Damn having to go to the bathroom but the teachers won't let you because the paranoia about cheating is so intense.
Cheating. Cheating is wrong. It has been my experience that when people cheat, it is more likely to be copying homework from someone else's worksheet then copying answers off a final exam.
It has also been my experience that sometimes pulling something off at the last minute will get you a higher grade than if you had worked on it for weeks. This is especially true in oral presentations and skits, because you aren't struggling to remember eveything- because you don't know if in the first place. And if you have any skills, you can stall and bullshit enough to make it seem like you know what you're talking about. That is what education means to me. That one sentence pretty much sums it up.
Alright, here's a story that might be hard to follow. At my school, the Humanities English classes are held first and third period. I have that third, and French first. I had a sub in French today so I went to visit the Humanities class and ended up staying for quite awhile without the teacher noticing. In fact, she even gave me makeup work and acknowledged my prescence without realizing anything. Then I got bored, wrote a pass and went to French. That cheered my morning considerably.
Then we only had a half-day, so I got home around noon. At lunch, Heidi and Molly and I had the best time. We just joke around and act like little kids and we have so much good, clean, immature fun.
My friends are so fantastic. Sarah, and her stream- of consciousness. "I'm going to pleasure myself. Except when guys say that, they mean they're masturbating. Why am I looking around? I don't know." Listening to her amuses and entertains me beyond belief. Our conversations are like acid-free acid trips.
And Christine! I don't know her that well but we have fantastically bizarre conversations. Actually thats mostly because I'm easily distracted. For example:
Marie: You're really cool!
Christine: If only they all knew.
*a few minutes pass in silence*
Marie: Speaking of Q-tips, do you think it'd be easy to get one stuck in an ear?
Christine: No, they're pretty small.
Pure gold. Pure gold, I tell you. (And let it be known that at no point within our conversation had we spoken of Q-tips.)
Brigadoon is already starting to depress me. I'm at the principal's rehearsal, and everyone is so amazingly talented and I'm sitting there thinking, what am I doing for this show? I'm not doing anything that couldn't be done just as well by someone else. It's a little sad.
"You don't sing me love songs, and you don't bring me flowers anymore."
First and foremost! There is justice in our drama department, as darling adorable Sarah got Jean in Brigadoon. There was copious competition, and it was hard. But she got it! At least one of my friends got the part they deserve. I'm so happy for her, so if you see her, tell her "congratulations". She's so fantastic.
The assembly. Hm, it was interesting. We ended up doing the National anthem both times, out of nowhere, and One Day More, My Spirit Sang All Day and Salmo 150. We didn't sound that bad, of course we could have done better. One Day More is so awesome. You have practically the most talented singers, then me, out of nowhere *ha* But I mean, I know the song inside out, which no one else does, which is why I was in it. Whatever, at least I wiggled my way into the number. Hell, the show!
We did a read-through today for Brigadoon. I got home at about 6:05 so thats 11.25 hours at school. For our first rehearsal that sucks, because I don't expect to get out that late until much further along in the show.
I'm tired, I'm sore, I feel like I shouldn't be so tired (and why the fuck am I sore?) because our performance wasn't huge, but whatever. I'm glad I'm doing AD because I get to learn so much from him and the other cast members, as opposed to just being an ass in the back row of the chorus, but I'm going to miss performing incredibly.
My history teacher is such a bitch, she talks down to us because half of us didn't take the AP class last semester. Jason was brave enough to mention it today, and she played it off. I'm not really intelligent but for one thing, I'm not completely stupid, and then, don't rub it in!
These past few days have been terrible. Old habits starting again, and new complications in relationships, much more work, less sleep, no classes with certain people and too many classes with others.
It's funny how after all of my Dunkin Donuts horror stories (ie, rubber gloves floating in a vat of chocolate frosting) my friends still demand free donuts. Has it occured to them that...well..yeah. Nasty.
I used to have these zinc-cherry drops. If it sounds disgusting, guess what, they were incredibly and abysmally disgusting. They were for when you had a cold, and they made your mouth taste like metal for hours, even if you ate other things. Thats just so disgusting. And the ice-cubes from my fridge taste extremely metallic and it's just nasty.
I'm tired. I'm going to go take a nap. Had to come and read everyone's updates and watch the only thing that can cheer me up.Dance auditions were interesting, I hardly saw anything because I was out putting scripts toegether. I got my aide badge today. Wheee.
It depresses me that some people are still so dependent on boys. Why can't people realize how fantastic they are, without a boyfriend, with a boyfriend, whatever. It doesn't matter.
Two quotes from Blevitt today.
"Not just oak! Other woods burn, too."
"Julius Caesar lived in B.C. We live in A.D., have been for awhile now."
Who isn't watching the Superbowl? Not me. Not Christine. Instead I'm enjoying a Lean-Pocket, and living vicariously through Cosmopolitan magazine.
I re-read The Vagina Monologues and liked it even less. I decided that I don't have the taste/maturity to really understand it, and I can definitely see why it caused a stir. I can't imagine it being performed, though.
I went shopping last night, got new jeans, sheets and storage compartments. Then I felt like I was being too practical so I bought Madonna's "The Immaculate Collection" and Eve Ensler's "The Vagina Monologues". I read it last night. It's interesting. I guess I'm too young and sheltered to really appreciate it.
I feel like I keep making the stupidest mistakes at work. They didn't really explain anything to me, they just kind of had me watch- and if I have questions, I'm supposed to ask, but I'm too shy- which is absolutely ridiculous. At least the time goes pretty quickly.
Please, why do I have Jubilant Song stuck in my head? (If you've got it now, too, then I apologize.)
Why am I awake so early on Saturday? Money. Why have I seen Spy Kids twelve times? Money.
It's taken me 20 minutes to check everyone's online journal, the ones I read everyday. Some of them haven't updated since forever. I love Christines, Heidis, Sarahs, Samis. Technically I suppose LYD is the best one (thanks J for the link) but of course it's more interesting to read my friends, because I understand them better.
Still..I marvel at the ones who are so incredibly, hmm. Shall I say, open? Yes. Personally, I think alcohol and drugs are stupid enough in the first place- but what happens when a concerned parent/teacher/etc stumbles across the website? It could happen easily, especially when you have your full name in the address. Oh, well. It is a "diary" I suppose.
I do think that this is the only thing that could cheer me up right now.
Today my horrible new history teacher said, to me in front of the whole class, "Oh I can tell I'm going to drive you crazy! I know trouble.." Um, yes, you're going to drive me crazy because you're an idiot. She has two Bibles on her bookcase, next to a dictionary. She loves George W. Thats one thing, because it's personal opinion, but blowing whistles at us, I think thats innappropriate. She makes us feel stupid, and we're really pretty intelligent.