holy dark
but you don't really care for music- do you?


Rehearsals start tomorrow! I'm really nervous. Although it's a read-through and I don't have any lines so I guess I'll be sitting there. I'm worried about the little things that I worry about every time I start something like this, that don't matter at all. Who the hell else worries about what to wear to rehearsal? Thats right. No one.

I rented Office Space and it's really funny. I couldn't help noticing some physical and behavioral similarities between a certain character and someone I happen to know. Hmm. Anyone else? Christine was right all along.

I also got Zoolander which I didn't like very much. It would have been a thousand times funnier if seen in a theatre with your friends, if that makes sense.

And I got A Glimpse of Hell which looks really good. I'll watch it later. It has that really amazing actor from Dead Poets Society, Robert Sean Leonard, the one who wants to be an actor. I love these links from Rotten Tomatoes. Thats a very useful site.

"Who care if you not celebrate Easter? I supposed to find out what you are before I say Happy Easter? Why don't you stamp it on your fucking forehead!"

posted by Marie | 9:22 PM

My mom is so cute. She got up early to set up Easter baskets with jelly beans and chocolate stuff, and she'll probably wake up my brother and sister exclaiming about how "the Easter bunny came! He came again this year, come on, let's go see!" Even though none of us have believed in that for at least five years. (Me longer obviously but Adam's only eleven.) Anyways. Hopefully work will be extremely slow today. I don't like it in the first place, but on Easter? Aw, man.

I keep thinking of this scene in the made-for-television Shirley Temple movie, where someone asks Shirley why Easter is her favorite holiday. With a piping giggle, she explains, "Chocolate bunnies!"

I don't buy it at all. You can have chocolate any day of the year, anytime you want. And if the point is that chocolate bunnies are special because bunnies are cute, well thats sick and twisted! Is it cute to eat little bunnies? No! I'm not buying the whole "chocolate bunnies" cuteness at all.

posted by Marie | 6:29 AM


I realized that I've accomplished a ton of things I'd planned to do by senior year. And I did them all pretty early. Getting into Chambers, ADing a show, having a speaking role in a school show, being in an MP show. Thats a really great feeling. Now it's not like I have nowhere to go, but I'm afraid that I'll just go down from here.

As Andy said yesterday, "Marie, you must be on top of the world!" But now will I just fall? And why the hell do I have to be so depressing all the time! Shut up, Marie.

I'm going to ice my feet. Standing for five hours is not fun. Or painless. (Or without profit. God, I love getting paychecks, I feel so grown up.)

posted by Marie | 12:35 PM


Well, I got into Guys and Dolls. My lifelong goal, since eighth grade, to be in a play at Montgomery Playhouse.

I'm extremely excited. I can't believe I made it! I'm in the chorus, not even in Mission Band or a Hotbox Girl and whatnot. I'll basically just be an extra in all of the huge group numbers, but I honestly couldn't care less. It's going to be such an amazing learning experiance- it's just community theatre but so different from what I'm used to. And rehearsals start in a week. Saints preserve us. I'm going to die from stress..but I'll have a hell of a lot of fun in the meantime.

posted by Marie | 3:37 PM

Chapters 16 and 17 are finally, finally up.

It's so nice out! I need to get outside today. I think I'll re-read Gone with the Wind. Or I could clean my room. It will get done. Oh, the mantra of my middle school years.

"Clowns never laughed before, beanstalks never grew..."

posted by Marie | 11:10 AM


I have a feeling I didn't make it. Why do I even bother? I don't want to be an actress. I'm being realistic with myself, it's not even worth considering. No matter how talented you are it's practically impossible- and I'm not even mediocre- plus other things, and I don't have the drive. So why does it matter so much to me, if I get in to the chorus of a community theatre musical production?

Because it's just one more time to be rejected. Rejection sucks. Thats such a disgusting understatement, too. Like coming home and wanting to talk to a friend, and you see their away message, and realize- oh right, they're out having fun. Oh right, they do things with their friends. I'm constantly rejected by people I consider my friends. Little things, like hanging out and doing stuff together over break. It still sucks. Like knowing that I'll never be outstanding at anything besides being a secretary. What does that do for me?

I hate rejection.

posted by Marie | 9:41 PM

First of all, I'm suffering severe emotional trauma. Why? Well you would too if you had just listened to a recording of Michael Ball singing "Tell Me on a Sunday". Michael! Why, why do you insist on singing women's songs?

I just watched Harrison Bergerson and I loved it. It's really terrifying, and I think it's very well done, actually kind of realistic which is alarming. Well not for currently realistic but within the realm of possible reason. If that makes sense.

I also watched Don't Say a Word which I didn't really like. The main issue I had was that the female police officer was extremely annoying. It just seemed unrealistic. There were some good parts though; like when the little girl sang the song about "pink toenails" it was cute.

Tonight I have an audition. This is one of the only times I really wish I could drive. I hate having my parents come and watch me, it makes me feel so young and stupid. I know I'm too busy for this show, but it'll only overlap Brigadoon (aka "B", right guys) for three weeks or so. Right? Right? And it's not like I'm going to make it, I just want the experiance.

posted by Marie | 9:14 AM


tomorrow's gonna come too soon

Today was so fantastic!

I'll start with last night. I was incredibly upset. This show is causing me so much stress, among other things, and Nick was willing to sit and talk to me by the side of the road for almost twenty minutes. I was absolutely blown away. He hardly knows me (ha, well now he does) but he was listening to me better than any of my close friends do. He's such a great person. I felt bad for just talking and talking, but he was just so nice. I'm a user, damnit, another character flaw to add to the list- anyway, he's a great guy.

The Chambers Kidnapping. Dun dun DUN!

4 a.m. Wake up, dress, etc. Pick flowers and make signs for Lauren and Ashley then watch reruns of All in the Family until...
5:30 a.m. Nick comes! We listen to "cool music".
5:36 a.m. First attempt to pick up Billy. Unsuccessful.
5:52 a.m. Pick up Lauren! This is where things got excellent.

(This was the beginning of a perfect pickup. They were executed so perfectly- Nick and I did the best pickups ever! First, I called their parents and worked it out the night before- during rehearsal- when I knew they wouldn't be home! Oh, the cleverness of me! Not..really..anyway, it was awesome.)

5:55 a.m. Her parents are waiting at the door, with a video camera (aww) and we snuck upstairs, opened her door, and made some noise. Poor child.

"Can I brush my hair?"


We dragged her outside, and we were honestly in and out in less than three minutes. Perfection. Then we listened to the party music, not the cool music, and....

6:03 a.m. Pick up Ashley! Again, perfect, and again....

"Can't I go to the bathroom?"


Oh, those were excellent. The best part is that they both honestly had no idea. It was completely unexpected. Major props to Nick. That was completely awesome.

6:18 a.m. Second attempt to wake up Billy, and once again, no response. Sucks to be him, and we continue to...

6:22 a.m. Burger King! Um, wait, everyone has really nasty morning breath, so...

6:28 a.m. 7-11, where four packs of Ice Breakers were purchased.

7:02 a.m. Return to school. Naghh. All day I didn't pay a bit of attention, I was so tired and just bored out of my mind, the obvious exception being chambers where we worked on "Sing Me to Heaven" which just might be a perfect song.

It doesn't sound that cool, but this morning was so awesome. It was so damn cool. It would have been perfect if they hadn't already known they were in- but there's always next year.

And I get to build sets over break! I'm honestly thrilled. I thought about it, and honestly? I don't miss acting. I just keep saying it because it explains why I'm so sad.

I rented Ghost World, Don't Say a Word and Harrison Bergerson Oooh, ahh.

I haven't slept past 6:30 for almost two months. Oh, dear.

Well everyone, life is so fucking good. Get off your computer and go outside. Breathe the clean air. If it's raining, dance around. Eat some fresh fruit, preferably tropical. Life is good.

posted by Marie | 7:53 PM

I can't sleep. I'm going to die in school today- and I'm leaving early for the dentist, which kind of balances out. Missing biology v. an hour of racking pain. Actually it's an hour of racking pain either way. So nevermind.

I know I'm overdramatic but not as bad as some people. I seriously need to stop going insane at rehearsal. Andy thinks I would have more success yelling, not crying, but I can't help it. I don't want to look stupid in front of everyone. I'm not trying to. I just lose it, it seems every day I burst into tears and yell and throw things. Well, it's not that bad. And I try to be positive too. There's just so much pressure from all over the place. I can never get to sleep.

This is our last day before spring break. I'll be working, and helping to build sets, and I need to rent a lot of movies, I think.

Oh my god, I am so excited.

posted by Marie | 4:41 AM


"When life held troubled times, and had me down on my knees
There was always someone there who would help and comfort me,
A kind word from a stranger, to lend a helping hand,
A phone call from a friend- to say I understand,
...at the dark end of the road
Someone lights the way with just a single ray of hope
Oh, I believe there are angels among us
Sent down to us from somewhere up above
They come to you and me in our darkest hours..."

"Angels Among Us" is the corniest song ever (except maybe "Holidays Are For All of Us" which doesn't even count as a peice of music), but I have it stuck in my head. It's such a nice, sweet, simple message. And it's true. Sometimes the most random, unexpected person will make you feel a thousand times better.

posted by Marie | 8:39 PM


I got this from Amanda.

current mood: anxious
current music: Song and Dance
current taste: mint
current hair: curly, really curly
current grievance: being tall
current annoyance: people never stop talking
current scent: mint
current longing: children (of my own..not in a pedaphile way)
current thing i ought to be doing: sleeping
current desktop picture: the cloud thing
cd's currently scattered about room: musicals and random stuff
current cds in stereo: Song and Dance and fall concert
current tape in VCR: Sister Act
current colour of toenails: clear
current earrings: none
current refreshment: water
current worry: college
current malicious intent: to kick people out of the play
current crush: any tall man
current favorite celebrity: michael ball
current wish: that my life was more fun
current hate: people who throw their lives away

posted by Marie | 8:32 PM

"I don't feel a thing. Except like going home." -Brigadoon

posted by Marie | 6:30 PM

Walt Whitman..his "Song of Myself" is amazing. It's long. Really, incredibly long, but please do take the time to read it. If anything else, just read the first and last page or so, and somewhere in the middle if you feel up to it. But it's absolutely worth it.

I hate poetry. So much of it is pretentious and I feel this way only because I don't really understand it. It just doesn't do anything for me; mostly I wince and cringe because almost all of the poetry I've been exposed to is the kind of art that is created purely for the sake of being different.

I used to write all the time. Not just awful soft-core. I wrote stories, a lot of historial fiction and I guess it wasn't bad for a twelve year old. I always hated poetry, because bad poetry is so easy to write and good poetry, for me, is unnattainable. In elementary school, writing on one topic using rhyming phrases made me the best writer in class. That wasn't poetry, those were sentences that happened to rhyme. As I got older I wrote horrible pretentious shit that didn't even make sense. It didn't rhyme. It was just stupid, like:

"And through the shadows of the night/as angels lie in wait/my song dies slowly/crawling/hiding/crying out for peace."

Oh, my, God. It's awful and for awhile I took it seriously. I would hand it in for class assignments and my well-meaning teachers would be thrilled. So deep, so profound, and it meant absolutely nothing. I wrote it for the purpose of being profound. I didn't have anything to say.

And I still don't have anything to say.

I don't think there's anything I care deeply enough about to write with the passion that Whitman does. His "Song of Myself" is just about loving life, and loving yourself. He wrote 1346 lines about life. Nothing specific, just being outside and breathing and feeling passion. Thats what's amazing to me. It seems so easy to make nothing out of something, but he makes something out of little.

Is it little, though? Is life not worth writing about? Why do I have that attitude? Just being alive, going outside and lying on the grass, staring at the water and breathing should cause enough joy and passon to write poetry.

"I celebrate myself, and sing myself,
And what I assume you shall assume,
For every atom belonging to me as good belongs to you."

posted by Marie | 1:06 PM

nothing like pointless online quizzes to wake you up on a monday morning

Which Breakfast Clubber Are You? Find out @ She's Crafty

Wow, I'm surprised.

Who's Your 80s Movie Icon Alter-Ego? Find out @ She's Crafty

I bet Heidi's jealous now, mwahaha.

Which Sex and the City Player Are You? Find out @ She's Crafty

I don't even watch this show, but it's definitly innaccurate. I don't have sex, or live in a big city, so why the hell did I even bother...? Oh nevermind.

Which My So-Called Life Character Are You? Find out @ She's Crafty

Never watched that show, either.

Who's Your Inner Music Industry Diva? Find out @ She's Crafty

No. I think I should stop..but...ahh...

Which Empire Records Character Are You? Find out @ She's Crafty

Never seen it.

Well I need to get ready for school or something.

posted by Marie | 6:13 AM


stands with fist

I finished my geometry project! If I write my English essay tonight, I can have all of tomorrow to learn the entire economics unit. Thank you, NSL teacher, for not only admitting your incompetence in this area but also for spending more time telling us about your daughter's condiments than the Federal Reserve Board.

I re-read what I said about Chambers and work ethic, and I'm sorry if it hurt anyone's feelings.

I need to take off an entire month of work because of Brigadoon and the NY trip. I only need to miss one day, actually, when we have that Saturday rehearsal, but it would be cutting it so close with the matinees, and I would be exhausted otherwise. How can I phrase that in a professional way? "I don't think I would be able to adequately refill the napkin containers without a good eight hours of sleep, so I can't come in from mid-April to mid-May."

I got my shirt in the mail today. It's huge. Thats an understatement; it's absolutely ridiculously too big, but it's so comfortable, and so amusing.

"Nick! It happened to youuuu!"

posted by Marie | 8:04 PM



Chambers lists are up; congratulations everybody. It's a little depressing because there's only one new girl who I think will honestly work her ass off. Lauren is one of the most dedicated people in Brigadoon; she's always beaming, and she learns her dances and the lyrics before everybody else. Her work ethic is awesome- plus she's really talented. I'm so glad she made it. We'll see. Not that other people won't work, but she stands out a lot.

Today I was exhausted (of course, I never went back to bed) and just horribly depressed all day. Then in NSL, our teacher had a little mental breakdown and started kicking and swearing and screaming. The action that provoked her? Jason asking her, politely, if we could review for the test we have on Monday. Completely unreasonable! I started crying, I was so upset. She told us we were selfish, egotistical brats with huge attitude problems and that in all of her career she has never dealt with a worse group of kids. I was so depressed after that. Goodness. (When I had my fit a few days ago, I had reason that connected to the objects of the fit if that makes sense. And I didn't insult people personally. So thats how I'm justifying it.)

Afterschool I went to ask Mrs. Ingram if she had any ideas for an audition song for Guys and Dolls, expecting a few minutes of conversation. But we ended up singing and talking for an hour! I was amazed at how much my voice has changed. I haven't sung alone in almost a year. Anyway we worked on "Tell Me on a Sunday" which is an absolutely gorgeous song, and I'm not too bad at it; well I've gotten better since the disastrous Vocal Spotlight of last year. I'm turning bright red just thinking about it.

But I sang it, and she just turned and smiled, and said "Marie! That was so nice! No, really, I'm amazed!" It was so sweet of her to say, because she knows I've been stressed about everything lately but my voice has gotten a lot better.

(Nick and I were talking on the way home and if Chambers was a bee hive I'd be a worker bee. He'd be a transgenderal queen bee. Everyone else would either be drunk bees or singing bees.)

Anyway then we talked. The song itself is absolutely gorgeous, and I know what it's about. I've just never thought about what might be behind the words- and she said, "Think about Andy..he's probably the boy thats closest to your heart. Not romantically, even, but, yes?" And so I thought about it- when he does go away I'll probably never see him again. Just thinking about that made me almost start crying and she was laughing at me and teasing me, and just thinking about that gave the song so much depth.

Then we talked about other things and she made me feel so much better, just about everything.

I know I won't get into the show, but I want the experiance, and it can't hurt to try. I'm always frustrated when people say things like that. It's worse, though, when they have this attitude that it's below them. "Oh, I won't try out for Chambers, I don't have time in my schedule." Whatever.

Thats one hell of a tangent. I hate weekends! AHHH!

posted by Marie | 6:57 PM

where the hell is chapter sixteen

I went to sleep as soon as I got home yesterday (about 6:30) and now I'm wide awake and "rarin' to go". Oh, I didn't just use that phrase.

Everyone is getting sick! We need to get some understudies for Brigadoon. As of a few days ago, our girl leads (both of them) could not physically sing. That would suck so much, if they were that sick on the show. Not to mention right now, there are so many people at home who are missing all of the blocking and stuff. And I know if they're sick it can't be helped, but it's frustrating! Get better, everyone, and come back...

I don't care about my permit as much as Heidi. I need to learn to drive and get my liscense (did I spell that right?) but August in case I do get a parking spot next year. Not that I wouldn't love a car but I'm not obsessed with it. (Heidi, Alissa, a lot of other people.) Besides I won't actually receive a car. I'll use one to drive to school, but I won't own one- does that make sense? Because there's always a free car in the mornings. Anyway.

This is so rambling!

"Oooh, spoons. May I assume the potatoes will be mashed tonight?"

I don't know how often I claim to try and do this but I need to stop gossiping and being mean to people, and it probably wouldn't hurt for me to stop talking altogether. At least I realize how awful I'm being. Not like some people who are so negative- then complain about other people's attitudes! Not that I'm thinking about any specific person.

Cara is always telling me how awful I am. No, literally. "Marie, you're awful! Marie, you're a horrible person! God, Marie, you're such a bitch!" The thing is, she says it almost cheerfully, as if to hint that it's the general consensus. Interestingly enough, whenever I do have gossip she's definitely interested in hearing it. I don't appreciate that very much.

I hate it when people make me feel stupid. Our director always does, I know it's not intentional at all but he makes me feel like a complete idiot.

I love fruit salad, I want some right now. I also want Chapter 16 of BTN to be up.

Brigadoon is going to be so cool. There's this sword dance in it, where a bunch of guys do a dance with swords. (Well, yeah.) It's so cool. Prashant is such a great performer, oh my. Mrs. Ingram and I also observed his springi-ness. Out of nowhere, she just said "It looks like Prashant would have a very high vertical leap". Because thats what you look for in a man.

Then there are people who are complete idiots. Literally, they stumble around the stage, gazing everywhere but where they're supposed to look, not singing, barely looking alive. Wake up! Nagh.

This thing is so negative. I'm going to..do something..else.

posted by Marie | 2:44 AM


So last night, we were all carrying our own chairs back to the chorus room after the concert. (We were all making fun of how ghetto it was, you know? "Great performance everyone, please carry your chair down that hallway, thanks..") And anyway- John's family is pretty well-to-do (to avoid being crude, like Kelsey, and using the term "rich") and his dad was carrying his chair back. That in itself was bad enough; whenever I interact with him which is never, I feel like he's famous or something. He has a six-car garage! Don't make him carry his own chair! Anyway as we walked into her room a peice of tile from the ceiling fell, from the actual ceiling, and landed on his foot. Oh my God.

So my computer applications topic is "How The French Revolution is reflected in Writing, Music and Art from that Time Period". I swore I would work Les Miz into it somehow- and by God I will.

I'm seeing Les Miz on May 3! Oh my God! Philip Hernandez is so damn awesome, I heard clips of him last night. Oh, man.

"You know," he said, "you are a very beautiful girl."

Her feeling of uneasiness grew. She sipped her seltzer and answered quietly,

"I've been told that."
-Bad Teen Novel

posted by Marie | 6:15 AM


it's not easy to be me

Haha actually yeah, it's easy.

Today was so awesome. I had to take a lot of tests and school was boring. I failed my learner's permit written test (I almost passed! I came frighteningly close for someone who hadn't read the manual!) and then rehearsal. Oh, boy. It sucked a whole lot.

I really hate who I am at rehearsals. I'm fake, either extremely negative or positive. I'm either skipping around, cheering everyone on and gushing about how fabulous they are. Or I'm screaming and crying and bitching, and today I completely lost it and had to leave and talk to Jessica for way too long, while we were "ordering pizza". Ahem.

I just don't like it. I love the work that goes into the show, but I miss performing, I hate spending three consecutive hours trying to get theatrical teenagers to be quiet. Thats just impossible. I don't like that all of my energy is spent being so negative like that.

Then we sat around for two hours and all ten of us made up the audience for this absolutely amazing a capella concert. There were these two groups from different colleges and it was so fantastic! I love that kind of singing, it's so natural and real and you put so much into it. This one Asian guy was sweating and jumping around, and they were all bounding and flinging and just having the time of their lives. Dude we need one of those groups at our school. Hmm.

And I hate my job. I hate getting up at 6 on weekends, and standing up for five hours, and sitting around while my co-workers speak Spanish to each other, and I'm all alone. I'm sick of it already.

But God life is so good! It's just some things get me down. My friends are so fantastic and the driver's manual is so hilarious. "Do not attempt to express emotions while driving." "You look with your eyes and you see with your mind." "Wet pavement may be more slippery than dry pavement." How did I fail that exam again?

And this sounds stupid but the highlight of my day was tonight when I got home at nine. Andy called me (he never calls me!) and we talked about a whole lot of various things and he was so nice to me. Apparently after Hit Parade I sent him this stupid gushy email, and he called to thank me, and I was like- where did this polite young man come from all of a sudden? Then he randomly asked me "how is your life in love" and I'm like "um, what life in love" and he says "well you have friends that care about you, thats all" and I was thinking, I need to spend more time with Andy. I miss him so much. Not ghetto-Andy, good-Andy.

posted by Marie | 10:03 PM


sleep!! what the hell

I can't fall asleep.

Festival really pisses me off. I don't know if it would have been better to enter at level 5 and get better scores. No, actually it would have been better to get the best scores on the highest level. Do you need to do easy crapass songs (a three part arrangement of Amazing Grace? Wow, everyone's impressed) just to get high scores..it should be more important that you do hard songs, and learn and make actual effort and have a sore jaw when the song is over.

It's so fucked up. A 2 is not a 1. Thats not satisfying to me at all.

And you know what maybe we didn't deserve a one- but the judge's comments were all so random, about how we needed to be more spaced out on the risers? What the hell! Give us some feedback about our voices so we can improve.

We need people who care, and who will work their asses off, and will NOT forget to come to concerts (yes, it's happened) and who won't complain about singing. Do not complain about singing- thats just so abysmally stupid. Don't complain about standing up, or sight-reading, just shut up and do it. It's not an easy class. Take yoga if you want to relax; this is work. And I don't think we have a group (out of next year's chambers) who will work. Whatever.

It just pisses me off. It's like with the show, sometimes I want to kick half the cast off of the stage because either they don't sing, or they have no expression, but often it's both. Don't complain about rehearsal. No one is forced to be there. It's fun! It should be fun for you! You should love it, you should look forward to it and think about it.

It's too bad that people who have that passion don't always have the talent. Actually thats a huge understatement, it sucks a whole lot. It really, really sucks. I'll use that word again, it sucks copiously and abysmally.

posted by Marie | 10:02 PM


Today was so much fun! We sang, and sat, for an hour or so, and then we went and watched other groups sing. WW did Jubilant Song and they were so much better than us! We didn't do too well, we got the second level rating so we won't be going to states. Damn. But we did get a perfect in sight-reading. Excellent.

Then rehearsal, which was a lot of fun. I waved and communicated with Heidi for pit, found someone to head makeup crew, and we had a fire emergency and got to go home early. Excellent!

I know who's in Chambers and when pickups are, but Christine and I need to find a way to get there. We're so out of the loop; well, speaking for myself, I'm out of the loop.

Oh, lunch was so fun. Kendal had Chinese, a burger and a fruit and yogurt thingie and she weighs a pound! I had one peice of pizza. A big ass peice, yes, but still. This week is going to be so much fun.

posted by Marie | 6:27 PM

I'm afraid of changes cause I built my life around you

I don't like Stevie Nicks, I swear! It's all my sister's fault.

Well, nothing interesting, except that BP was really sad (when the old guy resigned, I almost started crying) but other than that one thread it sucked. Also, I was almost in a car accident with Sarah and Billy, oh my god, and the it would have crashed right into where I was sitting. I was pretty terrified. Whats up with all of these near-car accidents with theatre people? Hm, a correlation becomes clear. Oh well. :-)

But I was thinking last night about how much things have changed since last year. We have choral festival today- I'm so excited! I love our dresses so don't make fun of them. And I love our music, and everything about it. And I keep remembering last year, being in general chorus and knowing how horrible we were, with maybe 1/2 of the group having actual musical skill.

Same with the musical. Last year I wasn't going to try out, because I was so sure I wouldn't make it. In seventh grade I didn't even get into the chorus of South Pacific (It still pisses me off when I think about it) and I didn't do the musical as a freshman, and now I'm Assistant Director..thats what juniors and seniors do, who've done tons of shows. I feel like I've moved up a little, in the scheme of things. I want to run for drama club secretary so I can be more involved. But, we'll see.

Going to curl my hair..I love looking pretty! (And I realized the other day, I'm not that bad looking. Oh, God, I mean I'm not hideous, I'm not gorgeous either but I'm closer to gorgeous than hideous, which is a nice feeling to have.)

posted by Marie | 6:19 AM


productivity levels are up

I worked, babysat, went shopping and did homework this weekend. I'm proud of myself; I wasn't online very much (if you go by my usual standards) and I didn't watch a second of TV. Whats up with Survivor being on Wednesdays now? And I'm really looking forward to school. A whole lot. I'm not sure why. I miss my friends..Heidi and Meredith are never home on the weekends.

posted by Marie | 6:15 AM


bad teen novel

In middle school, I wrote short stories compulsively. They were actually very badly written and dealt with issues that even now I'm not liscensed to deal with in any sense. (Communism, alien abductions, futuristic breeding rituals and lots of sex. Let's leave it at that.) I wrote them because my friends seemed to like them, and they were entertaining. I did the normal things, I played soccer and watched TV, but I also wrote soft porn.

Am I alone in this?

Absolutely not. Bad Teen Novel is one of the funniest things I have ever read in my entire life. It's a novel written by an eighth-grader, only now the author is in her late twenties and runs her own humor site. It's absolutely hysterical, especially since Wing Chun (the author) has posted comments along the way. Here's an excerpt from Chapter 10, which is the best. The scene: Diane and her science teacher, Mr. Harrison, are having a study session (at 6:30 on Friday night in the teachers lounge, no less) when things turn ugly. And vitamin fortified.

Mr. Harrison pulled down his pants. ["There's more to this sentence, apparently, but I blacked it out long, long ago. Like, with a pen -- not from my memory, although...that too." -- Wing Chun 2002]

"Big, eh?" he declared proudly. "Vitamins!" He prodded it with a finger. ["Prodded what? Oh. That." -- Wing Chun 2002]

Diane squeezed her eyes shut and turned her head to avoid it. ["She has to turn her head to avoid it? Okay, that is big." -- Wing Chun 2002]

The entire thing is even funnier. It's unbelievable. I'm tempted to post some of my own crap online- but you need to understand that I understand how horrible it is, you know? I don't want anyone thinking I take things seriously.

But everyone would read them, at lunch and stuff. My two classic pieces were "Little Shawn" and "Bomb Shelter".

"Little Shawn" contains a scene frighteningly similar to the one from Wing Chun's. Only I have worse lines. You don't even want to know. A girl sleeps with a teacher, gets pregnant, and (irony abound!) goes into labor in the middle of his class. And, even more irony- when they called 911 to get an ambulance to bring the girl to the hospital for delivery, the dispatcher was none other than the teacher's wife! Oh, classic literature if nothing else.

"Bomb Shelter". What can I say? Take 1984 and add porn. That was it. (This was the story that dealt with futuristic breeding rituals. Yes.) The favorite line from this one being, "she wriggled up to meet it." Sensational. Absolutely sensational writing there.

I don't even know what to say. But go and read the Bad Teen Novel. It's so damn entertaining.

"Want some seltzer?"

posted by Marie | 1:17 PM


I miss performing
That really sums it all up, except also this whole half/half font thing is confusing me, and I can't seem to fix it. Does anyone have any ideas for a website topic for my computer applications project?

This morning would have been fantastic- I had blueberry waffles (don't get too excited, they're the freezer kind) and iced tea and it's so nice and warm out. Ideally I would have sat outside after breakfast then gone back to bed or walked around my neighborhood or done nothing at all, but it's Friday and we have school. I'm excited for spring break only due to lack of school. It's not like I'm actually doing something.

posted by Marie | 6:15 AM


So we had been working on this French project for a few days, where you have to make a TV show (in French) and perform it for the class. We had been doing a soap opera. Out of nowhere yesterday, a girl started accusing me of taking over the project, yelling about how she never wanted to choose this topic, she wanted to do a game show. Our attitude was, look, we have our plot and we started writing it, let's just finish this assignment and forget about it- but she got really upset and went to complain to our teacher.

It's so stupid and pointless. Who cares? It will be over in a few days and she won't remember it in a week. The fact that she went and got our teacher to intervene embarassed me beyond description. We're not toddlers on a playground. It's not my fault if someone doesn't voice their opinion; I can't read minds. The fact that it upsets me, upsets me, because it just isn't a big deal- but it was embarassing to have our teacher come out and give us an after-school special talk about getting along. It's ridiculous. We wasted twenty minutes straightening the issue out.

Festival in five days! We're actually going to do a poor job, but what can you do. Our music is great, we're adequate. We're rehearsing this weekend; we'll pull together and hopefully make it to states so that we can do Jubilant Song. Fantastic.

posted by Marie | 6:25 AM


when we were roomates
Well today rehearsal was a lot of fun. Very stressful but still a lot of fun. Mrs. Ingram explained sharps and flats and key signatures to me, and I'm going to go mark all of my music now. I'm tired. I love being able to go to bed right now; I barely have any homework due tomorrow.

posted by Marie | 6:51 PM


fun fearless females
Ashley and I spent almost all of rehearsal frolicking, cavorting and having fantastic conversations about alcoholics and sex. We didn't just talk about Chambers though, we also discussed life in general, which was really refreshing. She's so intelligent and fun. It's not that I don't have loads of fun with Heidi and everyone, because I do. But when there's a serious problem I don't know where to go. Heidi is too comfortable to talk about anything with. Not that we're not close friends and that she isn't capable of adult conversation, because thats certainly not the case. I just don't want to ruin a good time.

Anyway- Ashley. We're officially friends now.

Ashley: I don't have that many friends!
Marie:God, me neither.
Ashley: Marie- will you be my friend?
Marie: Oh, Ashley, it would be my honor.

Then we colored with markers that I luckily had in my backpack. We went on a perilous journey to purchase candy for Mrs. Ingram- I mean, to run a very important errand for her.

The fact that I know nothing about music has been preying on my mind. I, and others, justify my being in Chambers with my ability to sightread. I'm afraid that there is no such ability. I don't know if a flat goes up or down. All I can tell you about a quarter note is that it's obviously 1/4 of a whole note- but that the hell is a whole note? What's the difference between 3/8 time and 3/4 time? I just don't understand the most basic things. I mentioned this to Mrs. Ingram, and got very upset about it, because if I want to be a music teacher (and I really do- I actually want to be Mrs. Ingram but thats another story) I need to know music. So she's going to teach me sometime I hope. I want to know what she's talking about everyday, instead of just listening to what Sarah and Kathryn do.

And I absolutely love music, probably more than anything. I want to learn everything I can about it.

I don't understand people in Chambers who complain about the concerts, or the music. You chose to be in this group. It's special, it's an honor. I also don't understand the girls in Show Choir who complain about dancing, and wait eagerly for the morning announcements to come on so that class will be over. No one is forcing you to do anything.

"If ye love someone deeply enough, anythin' is possible. Even miracles."

posted by Marie | 11:05 PM


ghetto-fabulous marie
Well this morning, the doorbell rang at 5:54 and of course I assumed it was pickups- who the hell else would come to my house that early? As I lay cursing myself for wearing my huge Mickey Mouse tee-shirt instead of something "cool" to bed, I heard the door open. A very deep male voice laughed. Then silence. What the hell? It was either my dad or a dream, but either way it's weird!

I wanted to find a present for Martita because she's sad. Then I wanted one for Christine- then I thought, hell, all of my friends should get a present. This thought occurs to me at eleven pm on Sunday night. For Martita, I grab some cookies (not all of them homemade, either..oops) and candy and throw it in an old sherbet carton. Ghet-to. Then for Christine I'm going to either find flowers in my yard or give her fake ones or something..I want money and transportation, right now! I'm sick of this!

Also, the 3rd movement rocks my world.

posted by Marie | 6:24 AM


If you read this, will you tell me? In the little box, or email me or something. Damn this font.

posted by Marie | 9:51 PM

deep peace all the gentle waves to you
Life is so good. Except for blogger, which is causing me anguish. I can't change the color that I accidently changed the top border to- those stupid color codes are impossible to remember! And it isn't letting me post so if you read this, there's no cause for my annoyance. Otherwise, I finished my two big projects, have fruit salad and the sacred choral music of John Rutter.

posted by Marie | 9:41 PM


Brigadoon theology
The contract between God and the town of Brigadoon clearly states that if a citizen leaves, the town will vanish. This raises several important questions. If every single person in town chose to leave and they all stood in a line directly parallel to a border of Brigadoon, and they all jumped over the border, and their feet all left the ground at exactly the same time, would they all survive- outside of Brigadoon? Or would God smite them all for finding a loophole in the contract? And, should the citizens choose to deposit a dead body outside of Brigadoon (by heaving it over a fence and whatnot) would that body still count as a citizen, and would the village then disappear?

posted by Marie | 6:23 AM


Does anyone remember "Maya The Bee"?

posted by Marie | 6:27 AM


the faint cracking of a whip
Today I got to talk to Mrs. Ingram for a long time at rehearsal, about a lot of things. It was fun; I've missed gossiping with her while we did stuff. As I've often said, making copies, alphabetizing, stapling and cleaning are more than a fair trade for good information. If you know what I mean.

I have to miss rehearsal on Thursday and possibly tomorrow. It's not a big deal at all, it's only two days. I've been to everything so far (except when I was sick that one day) including auditions, and on vacation I came in to help as well, but I'd be a huge hypocrite just because I get so incredibly annoyed when people miss rehearsal. Then again- today I didn't do anything, just talked to people.

I can't believe we might be going to see Beauty and the Beast for a school feild trip.

"Hello? Is this Baltimore? Hey, it's Molly, whats up?"

posted by Marie | 6:49 PM


Well, opera isn't going to be staged or have a set. No, think concert format. And I get to be in the ensemble (a step up from chorus) because Jessica doesn't want to do it. At least I get to be a part of it now. I mean, I "built" us a website and got some addresses for important contacts, as part of my job on public relations. I know it looks like I don't care, and I don't. I didn't have a part in writing it, composing it, though I will have a minimal part in performing it. We're opening sometime in early April and we barely have a show. I'm not complaining. It's so weird to say, "I'm in a show that opens in a month", because I don't know what it's about, I forget the title, I haven't seen a second of it performed. This is working on the line. How exciting.

Boston Public isn't on tonight, although next week's episode looks rich in humor and entertainment. I'm going to bed. Sleep, sugar-free apple juice (I wish I could have some) fruit salad, Andy and Christine all building up to a long night's sleep.

Theatre is about discipline.

posted by Marie | 7:52 PM


My sister and I watched The Crucible last night and completely fell in love with Daniel Day-Lewis. It was a good movie in terms of sticking to the play and the scenery was absolutely gorgeous. And I thought of the perfect birthday present for Amy, so all is well.

posted by Marie | 6:32 AM


Does anyone else really want to see Beauty and the Beast on the IMAX screens? As in badly enough to drive to Baltimore to see it?

posted by Marie | 5:43 PM

I got this quiz from Amanda..I wish I knew enough about Tarot to be offended by the results.

Tarot Test Results

Which tarot card are you?

posted by Marie | 5:37 PM

So I'm flipping through last year's Festival of the Arts program, when- wait, what the hell? Chambers did a John Rutter last year?! So I run for the CD and it's absolutely gorgeous. Life is good.

posted by Marie | 12:56 PM

Tell me this isn't fun.

posted by Marie | 6:24 AM


Is anyone else getting college letters in the mail? My total count is now 15. Fifteen colleges that cared about me enough to put my name and address into their computers. I feel so special. Except almost all of them are either Southern or all girls, and I'm not even considering any of those. I can't wait for college!

posted by Marie | 4:25 PM

I sincerely hope the Chambers pickups were not this morning, for obvious reasons.

Survivor looks good this season, I fell asleep on the couch halfway through. Luckily, I taped it (Heidi and I will need clips- we're doing an English project comparing it to Lord of the Flies) so I can watch it this afternoon.

posted by Marie | 6:18 AM